Coming to this point in time
by Fly Girl
It's been two years since we started broadcasting. Where have we come? Roger left because RFM became too much of a personal reflection
of his 9-year relationship with James, and there were too
many storms there. He wants to come back. Many of us want him back,
but he has to face James by himself, and that hasn't happened yet. I had to go to work to pay the bills to keep us on the air, so
my community involvement waned. My energy is waning. I can barely
write a word. My emotions are consumed with the welfare of our
12 pets and with making sure household finance is in order so
the world can't penetrate the happiness of the house. I call it Wolfpack House because within it's protective layer, there
is an intense love that is a rare gift. But James's struggles with
bipolar disorder have been my great sadness. My instinct is to
protect him, and I have been successful so far, but it is not easy. Going to the drugstore to get medication is a social disaster.
I made a mistake and didn't order one of the prescriptions
on time. The pharmacist said he could only give me pills
until Tuesday, could someone else come and pick them up as I
can only come on Saturdays. I said, "Well, he could pick them up,
but that might not..." Before I could finish my sentence, the
pharmacist said, "I'll give you 21 pills, until Saturday." I get looks of pity from people as to my choice of who to love.
It is hard for me because I know that there is no way I can
explain how fierce James's loyalty is and how there is fire in this
love. I can't explain RFM and the world we built together, and
how James's installation design has the potential to propel
me into an entirely new category of employment. Society sees only the
threat of James pointing out the inhumanity of the world. Someone who
cannot lie and smile with the correct social face is feared, so I try to
ignore the looks of pity. I guess you find out who your real friends are. I am taking
a learner's permit test to learn to drive because I haven't been
to see my hang gliding friends at all, and they are sad that I came
out there more when I lived in New York. Transportation
independence will change a lot in my life in CA. We are doing more slides and music at RFM. The chat room probably
isn't monitored as much as it should be. I wonder if because
our community environment was ephemeral, that is, it only
existed when our human energy was being put into a live broadcast,
I wonder if the RFM community still exists. I miss everyone. I miss everyone I have come to know online.
I just sit here on a Sunday afternoon and wonder... | 
